


It won’t be long 'till I see you again

by CathyCat2709



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Emotional, F/F, Nyssara, old love does not rust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 13:39:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17060819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CathyCat2709/pseuds/CathyCat2709
Summary: “How did you do that?“ Sara asks, still sitting fazed on the mat. Amaya holds out a hand and pulls her up.“What do you mean? You taught me this move,“ she replies, knitting her brows in confusion.“I did? I can do that?“ORThere's another anachronism and this time it affects Sara directly. Can they set the time line back on track when Sara can't think straight with old feelings returning full force as someone from her past sets foot on the Waverider.





	It won’t be long 'till I see you again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thoughtsandlife23](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=thoughtsandlife23).



> Merry christmas and happy holidays, Ella!
> 
> I was so excited when I found out you're my giftee :)  
> This was supposed to be fluff, chrismas is the season of fluff after all. Yeah... Once I started writing I couldn't stop wallowing in the Nyssara feels.  
> So hold onto your hats, this is gonna be an emotional ride.  
> I hope you like it :))

It’s been a couple of relatively quiet days on the Waverider.  
They can all use the break between missions, relaxing and catching up on sleep or doing some necessary chores around the ship.

Ray and Nate are currently taking advantage of Gideon’s access to all Star Wars movies ever made. Jax is fixing the leaking tab in the bathroom that has been annoying everyone for months while blasting his favorite music at a volume that would earn him a scolding from Martin if he wasn’t currently making dinner after one of Clarissa’s recipes (which earns him the silence treatment from Gideon because her fabricated food tasts just as good as something made from scratch if not better, thank you very much). Mick has locked himself into his room, leaving the others to speculate what he does in there beside producing a pile of empty beer bottles. Sara has decided to work some stress off that comes with her new responsibilities as Captain in their training area. Amaya joines her shortly into her training session.

Sara missed this.  
Her training sessions with Kendra had been one of her favorite ways to unwind next to playing cards with Len but unlike Amaya Kendra was still new to martial arts and now both her and Len are gone.  
Even though Amaya still makes it clear that she finds the Legends unprofessional more often than not, Sara is happy to have another woman on board.   
To be honest they are _all_ still adjusting to the new constellation of the team and their new mission and responsibilities after defeating Savage. Which does result in them making a lot of mistakes. Most of which Sara takes to heart a little too much

Sara is entirely out of her element as Captain.  
Of course this isn’t the first time that she plans the execution of a mission and calls the shots - she learned to make though calls long ago - But she has been a solo fighter most of her life and it has always been someone else’s mission. Someone else’s responsibility to make sure everyone makes it out. Or in case of the League of Assassins, someone else’s decision that the mission is more important than individual fighters.  
There are so many things that can go wrong on a mission, so many things out of her control. Making sure she’s physically able to handle whatever she needs to in order to protect her team during a fight is the least she can do.

Which is why Sara is clenching her teeth and fists to the point of pain when Amaya wins the fourth training fight in a row.  
Even without her totem Amaya is a very skilled fighter but Sara should be able to hold her ground, she has beaten her in other training fights before. She is one of the best fighters the League of Assassins ever trained after all. Martial arts _should_ be the one thing Sara is better at than anyone else.  
So why does she block attacks too late, swing her fists too slow and loose her balance at every turn?

Sara charges at Amaya once again, determined to win at least one round today. Amaya dodges her attack easily and takes a swing at her. Sara throws her arms up in front her face by instinct but Amaya uses her momentum to hit Sara’s side with a round kick instead, knocking her opponent to the ground. Sara stares up at her with wide eyes and Amaya hesitates for a second, not sure if her captain is using a new tactic or if she really hurt her.  
It really isn’t Sara’s day, taking one hit after another, but usually Sara would immediately recover and keep going.

“How did you do that?“ Sara asks, still sitting fazed on the mat. Amaya holds out a hand and pulls her up.

“What do you mean? You taught me this move,“ she replies, knitting her brows in confusion.

“I did? I can do that?“

There is something like amazement and surprise in Sara's voice that sets off warning bells in Amaya's mind.

“Sara, what is going on with you today?“

“Sorry, just a little… confused.“ Sara stares at her bandaged hands as if she's seeing them for the first time. Something is off, she just can’t put her finger on it.

“Gideon, get everyone to the bridge, something’s wrong.“

“Hey! I'm the captain, I give the orders,“ Sara protests as she unwraps the bandages.

“Would you like to revoke Miss Jiwe's orders, Captain?“

“No.“ Sara rolls her eyes at the snarky undertone of the AI as she grabs a towel, looking more like the Sara that Amaya came to know again.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara and Amaya are the last one to enter the parlour, still in their sportswear.

“Do we have another anachronism?“ Nate greets them, looking a little too excited at the prospect of getting to visit another time period and perhaps even getting to use his new superpower.

“I didn't even notice the alert go off,“ Ray wonders out loud, though he isn't sure if he's more confused by him overhearing the anachronism alert or how exhausted Sara looks. He can't remember ever seeing her this sweaty and heated even in an actual fight. 

“No, that's not why I called. Something is going on with Sara,” Amaya explains.

“I'm fine, Amaya,” Sara huffs. Bad enough her pride took quite the beating (literally). Now everyone is looking at their captain with concern like she can’t take care of herself. Except Mick who is dozing off in the armchair.

Amaya grabs one of the many trinkets scattered around the parlour and throws it across the room. Sara ducks but way too late. It hits her right shoulder before clattering to the ground.

“What the hell Amaya?!“ Sara yells at the same time as the others gasp, rubbing her shoulder.  
Mick jerks awake from his half drunken nap.

“You should be able to doge or catch that easily,” Amaya states, clearly unimpressed by the furious look on Sara’s face.  
The others go back from looking shocked by Amaya’s action to regarding Sara with worry again.

“I'm fine, seriously guys,” Sara insist once again as if repeating it would erase the fact that she definitely should be able to catch that. Hell, she has caught arrows mid air.

“Maybe Gideon should run some tests on you,” Jax suggest and the others nod and mumble in agreement.

“Because I'm a little slow and tired today?“ Sara rolls her eyes but even Mick looks worried right now.

The others share a look. Their Captain usually pushes herself to be at her physical peak. As one of the few non-meta humans she has to make sure she can handle herself in battle and protect her team.

“I think Amaya's right,“ Nate states.

“Of course you think that.“ Mick mutters but gets up from the chair anyway.

“Just a precaution, Sara,” Jax tries to convince her.

“Could be amnesia-“ “-or something time travel related after all-“ Stein and Ray theorize as they follow Mick who drags Sara to the med bay despite her protest.

Nate, Amaya and Jax share a look again. As loud as Sara is protesting, she doesn't use one of the three thousand methods she knows to get out of someone's grip. Something is clearly going on here.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure Gideon?” Ray asks for the fourth time.

“Positive. Captain Lance is in best physical health,” the AI repeats her diagnosis.

“See, Gideon says I’m fine. Now will you stop fussing,” Sara growls, ignoring that weird feeling in her gut as she gets up from the chair.

But before she can decide whether she’s more relived that Gideon didn’t find anything or a little scared because maybe Gideon should’ve found something, an alarm goes off.

“We got other things to worry about. Let’s go,” Sara orders and jogs to the bridge, Ray, Mick and Martin following her.

“Gideon, tell me what's going on.”

“I recorded an aberration in the time line in which the League of Assassin is never dismantled,” the AI answers her Captain as the group enters the bridge.

“The League of what?”

Everyone stares at Sara.  
Nate curses when she just furrows her brows in confusion at their shocked looks.

“What?”

“Gideon, what is going on?” Jax questions, turning to the hologram appearing in the middle of the console.

“According to my records of the new time line Nyssa al Ghul died in 2011 in a boating accident before taking in Ms Lance. The League of Assassins was never dismantled after Malcom Merlyn became Ra's al Ghul.”

“Nyssa can't be dead. She's -” Sara protests but fades off as if she lost her track of thoughts.

“Isn't that your killer lady ex?” Mick points out and takes another sip of his beer. (One day they’ll get him to an AA meeting but one disaster after another.)

“Ex?” Sara asks bewildered but then her eyes widen, “Right, I'm into girls.”

“Shit, this is really, really bad.“ Jax swears as he looks through the info Gideon is providing on the console.

“I hate to agree with such language but shit, indeed,” Martin adds, pressing his fingers to his temple. This is not looking good.

“But if Nyssa never rescues you off the island, then how are you still alive?” Ray asks. He is probably the one who knows most about Sara’s story (except for Gideon of course), having known her the longest and from things Felicity, Oliver, Diggle and even Laurel told him. Though Sara has long since stopped being closed off about her past.

“As stated by local newspapers, Miss Lance was found on Lian Yu by ARGUS agents and returned to Starling City four years before Oliver Queen. The first vigilante known as the Canary was Dinah Laurel Lance.”

“Yeah, I remember that. I think.” Sara shakes her head slightly as if to shake off the pictures in her head.  
  
Martin places a hand on her shoulder. He knows all too well how confusing it is to have new memories forming in your mind.

“So, Sara lives. That's good,” Amaya draws their attention back to the mission at hand.

“So I’m not rescued by ARGUS and I don’t go home to my family. What happens in the original time line again?”  
Sara knows she joins the League of Assassins. She even has memories of Nanda Parbat but the memories of how she got from the island to Nanda Parbat are completely gone.

“Nyssa finds you on the island and you become part of the League of Assassins. You return to Star City in 2016 as the vigilante the Canary. There's a lot of drama, you die and then get resurrected before Rip recruits you to the team,” Nate recites a short version of the original time line he studied for so many years.

“Ta-er al Shafer. That was my name in the League, right? How do I remember that but not getting into the League in the first place?”  
She remembers Rip, she remembers her time as a vigilante. But she also remembers her dad ranting about these damn vigilantes at dinner, clearly not knowing his eldest daughter was one of them, even though Sara figured it out two weeks after Laurel first put on the mask.

“Fascinating. It appears that because time needs time to set your memories are being replaced in chronological order,” Martin chips in. As soon as this is over he will do some research on why Sara’s experience is different from his own. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he meddled into his own life while Sara’s life changed due to someone else’s interference.

“What happens after Sara returns to Star City, Gideon?”

“I apply for the police academy,” Sara answers. She can still hear her dad yelling about how dangerous that is and that he doesn’t want that for his daughter and how he already has to worry about Laurel persecuting dangerous people. She remembers Laurel, despite still being angry and hurt about the whole thing with Oliver, coming to her defense and telling him that it’s what he raised them to do; protect those who can’t protect themselves.

“Miss Lance applies to the police academy and joins her fathers task force while her sister becomes the Canary after discovering the truth about the Arrow. Both die in the fight against Damien Darhk.”

Why is it always the terrible things that seem to be a fixed point in history?

“How long does time exactly need to set?”

“I don’t care to wait and find out,” Sara answers Amaya, “Let's rescue Nyssa before I fade from existence.“

No one comments on the fact, that with both Laurel and Sara dead there is no one to resurrect their Captain. Without her years of training in the League of Assassins there isn't even a reason for Rip to recruit her. 

“Should you really go into the field without your martial arts skills?” Ray adds for consideration. He knows what it's like to be stripped off the thing that makes you valuable in a fight and he hates to make Sara feel as if without that she has no place in the team, but he can stomach the thought of her getting hurt even less.

“I'm still your Captain,” Sara puts on her most stern and determined captain voice but her team is having none of it. And they are probably right.

“Fine, the Atom, Vixen and Firestorm are on team rescue Nyssa, Nate and Mick can stay with me,” Sara gives in, “Happy?”

 

* * *

 

 

Sara hates to sit back and wait. Apparently that doesn't change whether she's an combat expert or not.

She finally fully understands Martin why he couldn't let go of his memories with Lily.  
It feels so real. The memories of Laurel sitting at her bedside in the hospital, working through this whole Oliver mess with her and finally forgiving each other.  
Of her parents renewing their wedding vows, now that both their daughters are home safe and sound again.  
Of fighting with Laurel because she takes on too many risky cases. And patching her up knowing that Laurel is the Canary but waiting for her to say something.  
The cold shoulder she got from Thea for months because how dare she survive while she lost her brother and father.  
Laurel confiding in her that she’s secretly seeing Tommy.

It’s like more and more memories appear with every second that they take to correct the time line.

This might just be worse than what the Dominators did to her. That life was perfect and peaceful, almost too happy.  
These memories are rough around the edges with fighting and tears to balance out the good moments.

And still there are these black spots in her mind that are vaguely shaped like Nyssa, like her as the Canary, like arrows and bo staffs, and blood, and Ra's al Ghul if she squints. And it's frustrating not to be able to grasp them. Like trying to hold onto fog.

“They're gonna get to Nyssa in time, Sara, don’t worry,” Nate misreads her frown as she paces up in circles around the console.

“I’m not worried about them missing the window, I’m worried about Nyssa not letting them save her.”

“Why wouldn’t she?”

Sara opens her mouth, the answer at the tip of her tongue, but she can’t quiet remember. It’s a strange sense of Nyssa not being very trusting towards strangers and supposable heroes, but there’s more to it.  
Instead of wracking her brain about it, she activates her intercom.

“Ray, status.”

Her request is met with silence and Sara is just about to turn around to grab her suit and weapons and get into the jumpship - fading martial arts skills be damned - when she hears a noise from the direction of the cargo bay just before Gideon announces the return of the rest of the team.

Both Sara and Nate start running down the hallways as if on cue. Mick is already there when they reached the cargo bay.

“What happened?” Sara can barley keep the panic out of her voice when she sees Ray still in his suit carrying an unconscious Nyssa while Amaya has one arm slung around Jax for support. Martin closes the cargo bay behind them.

“Your ex-girlfriend packs quit the punch,” Amaya hisses through clenched teeth.

“Sorry Sara, she wouldn’t come with us and I didn’t see another way than to knock her out,” Ray apologizes.

“Med bay, now!” the Captain barks a little too harshly.

 

* * *

 

 

“Take me through this,” Sara requests as Ray lays Nyssa on one of the chairs in the med bay.  
Jax helps Amaya onto the second chair. The way she holds onto her side and hisses whenever she takes a breath suggest she has a couple of cracked ribs.

“Well, getting someone to take us even near Lian Yu on a boat was impossible and people were getting suspicious, so we ditched the cover and just flew there,” he answers, starting the scan.

“But Miss al Ghul was not very keen on hearing what we had to say,” Martin adds, his eyes fixed on the screen with the test results for the two women.  
  
“Even after the explosion and the boat beginning to sink. So Ray knocked her out before she could land anymore hits on Amaya,” Jax finishes the story.

“Quite the wild one, you got there, blondie.” That comment receives Mick an elbow in the ribs from Jax but Sara barley hears him, her eyes fixed on her unconscious ex-girlfriend.

“Gideon, was the cause of Miss al Ghul’s boating accident ever found?” Martin inquires.

“No official investigations were made.”

Of course the League would try to stay off the records.

“Well, who ever did it, someone must’ve tipped them off. No one could know that Nyssa finding Sara would be such a crucial point in history,” Nate points out, his eyes fixed on Amaya, similar to how Sara looks at Nyssa.

“I did tell Ra’s al Ghul to send Nyssa to Lian Yu.” _I needed to make sure that I meet her._  
“Maybe this is all my fault.” Sara crosses her arms to keep herself from reaching out. It has been a year since she last saw Nyssa, imprisoned in Nada Parbat. But seeing her hurt like this and considering that she might be the cause of this is almost worse. Even when she can _see_ Gideon healing her.

“If that was the case, the anachronism have occured directly after that,” Ray tries to ease his captains conscience. There was no way that this was her fault.

“Are we going to ignore the most obvious explanation? Darhk and Merlyn.”

“Take out the leader, take out the team,” Mick agrees to Jax’s theory.

“And Meryln gets to be Ra’s al Ghul and at this point going after your family has probably become one Darhk’s hobbies,” Nate adds, making a face at the last part.

“Sara?” Martin carefully approaches her when she doesn’t show any reaction to her teams theories.

“Huh? Yeah, it was probably either one of those.” She tears her eyes away from Nyssa and turns around.  
“Amaya how are you feeling?”

“I’m alright, thanks to Gideon,” Amaya replies, already getting down from the chair as if she was never injured.

“So, what do we do with Nyssa now?” Ray poses the crucial question.

“Put her back into her time line of course.”

“She should probably heal up properly first,” Martin slows his counterpart of Firestorm down.

Sara gives him a grateful smile as he starts to usher the others out of the room. She will need some time to wrap her head around this.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara sits with Nyssa, waiting for her to regain consciousness.

It only makes sense that Sara as an ex-member of the League of Assassins should be the one to be there when Nyssa wakes up, right?  
She is the only one who knows - despite her fading memory - how to handle the demon’s heir and keep her from taking the ship apart.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Sara feels an intense urge to stare at her ex-girlfriend as if she might disappear if Sara so much as blinks for a second.  
Stare at someone she convinced herself she will never see again. Someone she can’t quite remember meeting anymore.

And yet the sight of Nyssa sleeping is so familiar.  
There were countless nights spend in safe houses between missions or by candle light in either of their rooms in Nanda Parbat. Those were the only times Nyssa ever dared to let her guards fall away, when it was just the two of them in the dead of the night.  
And even then you could never be quite sure if someone wasn’t lurking in the shadows.

Sara remembers the exact curve Nyssa’s mouth would curl into when she made her smile. She remembers the tiny wrinkles that would appear around dark eyes when Nyssa looked at her just before kissing her. Or how Nyssa would bite the inside of her cheeks instead of biting her lip because that doesn’t leave any visible evidence of her nerves. Or how she used to wake up to Nyssa playing with her hair.  
Sara doesn’t remember anymore how the situation came to be but she remembers exactly how she felt when she discovered Nyssa crying for the first time. How her stomach churned and an invisible force seemed to choke her at the sight of her then not-yet and now ex-girlfriend crying.

The lectures Nyssa taught her and the content of their training sessions are fading from Sara’s mind but not the feeling of exhaustion in her bones from all the training or seeing the bruises on her body in the mirror after a mission.

Sitting here in the med bay, Sara feels as if those feeling will fade too if she just looks away for a even a split second.

She feels horribly out of control enough as it is with her fighting skills slowing disappearing. She desperately tries to hold onto anything that is left of the life that is actually hers.

Wanting not to forget her past is a new concept to her.

 

* * *

 

 

When Nyssa stirrs Sara realizes that she hasn’t actually thought about how to explain all this to Nyssa.  
She probably should’ve kept back up in case Nyssa decides to attack before hearing her out. But she just plain forgot because she never had to worry about not being able to hold her own.

Nyssa blinks against the harsh light, her muscles tensing at the strange surroundings. She sits up and her eyes fall on Sara.  
For a second the captain is frozen in spot.

If this is the weight of all the feelings she _remembers_ crashing in on her, she doesn’t dare to imagine how she would feel if she remembered everything.  
Finally she snaps out of her daze and drops to her knees, her right hand on her heart and her head tilted down.

“It is an honor, Nyssa al Ghul, heir to the demon,” she greets Nyssa, thankful that her Arabic has not fallen prey to the memory loss yet.

Nyssa stares at her for a moment, considering whether this is a trap. If she decides that it is, Sara would be absolutely screwed.

“Where am I? Who are you?” Nyssa finally breaks the silence as she gets up from the chair. Despite Sara’s flawless pronunciation, she somehow picked up on Arabic not being her first language. She conceals it well, but to Sara the tension in her voice is quite obvious.

“I will answer whatever question you desire but first you must give me your word that no harm will come to my crew or ship.” Sara slips right back into the habit of forming much more sophisticated sentences when speaking to a member of the League as she keeps her eyes fixed on the ground.

“What if your crew are the ones to harm me?”

“They won’t,” Sara looks up at her, breaking with the custom, but she needs Nyssa to know that she means it, “You are under my protection.”

Again Nyssa takes a moment to consider, carefully eye the kneeling woman in front of her. Sara doesn’t break eye contact, her heart pounding hard against her chest.

“Truce,” she finally agrees and Sara sighs in relief.

Sara rises to her feet again, bowing her head slightly before returning to her normal stance. She knows that Nyssa will stay true to her word. Though she will probably try to find some loophole.

“How do you know the costums of the League of Assassins?” Nyssa questions. No outsider should even know that the League exists.

“I was once a member of the League,” Sara replies vaguely, turning away to shut Gideon's medical system off. She really didn’t think about what to tell Nyssa, how to explain this whole situation without risking to screw up history.

“The League doesn’t release anyone.”

“You mean except for Malcom Meryln?” Sara turns back to Nyssa with a raised eyebrow.

Nyssa’s expression hardens and Sara curses herself internally when she realizes that the Demon’s daughter mistook her banter for a powerplay. This isn’t helping to make Nyssa trust her. But for a second it is just too tempting to give into the dynamic they had by the end of their relationship.

“Ra’s al Ghul would not make the same mistake twice.”

Sara has to hide her smile, but knowing Nyssa she probably picked up on it anyway.

“No, he wouldn’t,” she agrees. _You did. You risked everything for me._

“What is your name?” Nyssa requests one of the promised answers, trying to cover up her irritation and confusion. And perhaps also fear. Her posture seems relaxed and in control, but Sara knows better. The non chalant behavior is just as much of a front as her own.

“Captain Lance.”

“So, Captain Lance, tell me-”

“Sara,” she corrects her previous answer. Nyssa looks a bit taken aback by the interruption and Sara elaborates.  
“My name is Sara.”

Nyssa always called Sara by her first name. Even when she was supposed to forget who Sara Lance was, Nyssa only ever called her Ta-er al-Sahfer in front of others.  
Damn the consequences but she couldn’t deal with the sick feeling in her stomach of Nyssa calling her anything else than just _Sara_.

“Tell me what am I doing here. Sara.”

Sara ignores the shiver that runs up her spine at hearing Nyssa pronounce her way in such a precise and firm way and starts explaining.

It's surprisingly easy to explain to Nyssa that she’s the captain of a time ship with a crew of meta-humans and scientists who are currently going after two ex-members of the League of Assassins and their accomplice to keep them from disrupting history. Though she doesn’t go into detail of speedsters and their brainwashed former captain.

Occasionally Nyssa interrupts her to ask for more details but mostly she just listened, taking in every piece of information. Assessing the situation. She never questions once if Sara is telling her the truth, she can see it in her eyes.  
But then again after growing up as the Demon’s heir with the Lazarus Pit and other things that should be impossible but are very real, nothing really shocks you anymore.

“Are you telling me that Malcom Merlyn and Damien Darhk are to blame for my boat going down?”

“Most likely. In the original time line you make it to Lian Yu.” Sara leans against the edge of the chair in the med bay.

“What is it about this island?” Nyssa wonders out loud, voicing a thought Sara has had herself so many times before, and mimics the captain’s move to lean against the chair. A move Sara recognizes but can’t quite put her finger on why it was taught in the League to mirror someone's behavior.

“It’s not about the island,” -  _for once -_  “or who you find there. It’s about how your death would effect the time line,” Sara tries to keep her explanation as vague as possible. She isn’t sure how Nyssa would react if she told her that an important historical event will be the heir to the Demon dismantling the League of Assassins.

“Who do I find?” Nyssa’s eye bore into her. Of course she picks up on the one thing Sara really, really shouldn’t tell her.

“Captain, are you sure-” Gideon tries to warn her - not for the first time during this conversation - but Sara tries to reason with herself that there’s no harm in telling Nyssa the truth. She’ll wipe her memories later anyway.  
She promised to answer every of Nyssa’s question.

“Me.”

It’s the first time that Nyssa needs a moment to grasp the reality of what Sara just told her, sturggeling for a second to keep her stoic mask up. It's one word, but it changed the whole situation.

“That is how you know so much about the League.”

“Yes,” Sara confirms even though Nyssa didn’t pose it as a question, “You take me in and train me and-” she bites her tongue.

“And what?”

Sara can’t repress a bitter smile. She shouldn’t tell Nyssa about any of this. But having her so close and not being able to tell her how much she means to her is torture.  
She crosses her arms to keep herself from reaching out and probably having her wrist broken. It took Nyssa almost a year to allow Sara to touch her. (Again it irks her at the back of her mind that she rembers that fact but not the year of Nyssa pushing her way.)

“We became quite close.”

She can see a thousand questions and emotion racing through dark eyes and Sara gets the feeling that she saw a similar expression on Nyssa’s face before even if she can’t place it.

“Why did you leave?” Nyssa settles on the one question Sara really, _really_ doesn’t want to answer. Doesn't even want to think about.

“I didn’t want to,” Sara swallows an ‘I didn’t want to leave _you_ ’. She feels like a deer in headlights with Nyssa analyzing her every move and word.  
“But I just couldn’t take the killing anymore. No matter how much Ra’s tried to bind me to the League, I just couldn’t let go of my past. I never forgot who I used to be and that person deserved a life without constant fear and pain.”

20-year-old her might have been a selfish, naive and reckless jerk who was in love with the wrong person, but she didn’t deserve anything that happened after the Gambit went down. It took Sara a long time to realize that but she's starting to forgive herself for the one mistake that turned her whole life upside down.

“And this,” Nyssa gestures to the med bay of the Waverider, “is a life without fear and death?”

“No live is completely free that,” Sara bans the thought of Laurel and Len and the situation with Rip, “But it’s good, yeah. And if we don’t meet, I won’t ever end up here.”

Nyssa nods, though there is this little bit of confusion and curiosity in her eyes that never quite went away in all the time that Sara knew her. Growing up in the League makes a normal life seem strange.  
If you can call a life as a Legends normal.

“What do you suppose we do now?”

“Well, we gotta put you back in your time line,” Sara shrugs as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe she's overdoing this casual thing a bit but she needs something to distract her from the pull on her heart at the thought of saying goodbye to Nyssa. Again.

“To ensure I find you on Lian Yu, so you can become captain of a time ship.” It's clearly to Nyssa’s distaste that she will play a part in Sara leaving the League at some point.  
If only she knew that she's the only reason Sara stayed for so long in the first place.

“Among other things.”

Again Sara avoids telling Nyssa that she is going to dismantle the League. At this point in her life Nyssa would do anything for the League, including changing history to make sure the League will exist forever. There is no reason she can’t avoid conflict as longs as Nyssa stays before erasing her memory, right?

She can feel Nyssa’s eyes fixed on her face. Her ex-girlfriend seems well aware that there is something Sara isn’t telling her.

 

* * *

 

 

The Legends rarely eat dinner together.

Mick usually makes something and then disappears. Ray is very big on consistent eating scheduels with healthy meals which Martin and Amaya usually join while Nate sometimes forgets to eat completely. Jax like Sara eats whenever he’s hungry which does result in a bit of an irregular scheduel.

Sara tries to keep her annoyance at bay when she finds her whole crew sitting at the diner table despite their different eating habits, pretending not to staring at them as Nyssa and her enter the galley.

It isn’t the first time someone of them brought in a stray, in fact both Nate and Amaya were kind of stays, but somehow Nyssa seems to catch everyone’s interest. Though the black leather outfit she is still wearing makes her stand out like a sore thumb.

Nyssa raises an eyebrow at her but Sara just shakes her head with an eye roll at her teammate as she programs the food fabricator with their meals. She doesn’t feel like answering her team’s question as to why Nyssa is still here.  
The Demon’s daughter watches the food fabricator with interest and Sara realizes that she instinctively made Nyssa's favorite dish. She pretends not to notice how dark eyes analyze her reaction to being caught.

As they eat Ray chatters with Nate and Jax about some Star Wars theories to ease the tension. Martin squints his eyes at the pair of women, recognizing too many similarities to the situation with his daughter. Even though this is different. It isn’t like Sara was planning to keep Nyssa here. Amaya focuses more on Nyssa than Sara, probably calculating the risk of her getting her ribs broken again.

Finally Mick interrupts Ray with one of his usual dry and direct comments.

“Is your killer girlfriend staying or what?”

Sara kept herself from slapping Mick on the back of his head. She just hopes that Nyssa didn’t realize Mick meant _girlfriend_ and not _girl friend_.

“Of course not,” she answers through gritted teeth but avoids looking at anyone, “Nyssa needs to go back to her time line.”  
Truth to be told the thought of Nyssa staying is making her stomach flip and her nerves tingle in ways they shouldn't.

Nyssa clenches her jaw like she always does when people talk about her in third person even though she’s right there. There has been more than one night that Sara had tried to work out the kinks in her girlfriend's neck from being around Ra’s al Ghul who makes a habit of talking about people as if they aren’t there.

For a moment Sara is irritated that she can remember this specific detail, remember specific situations that had Nyssa clenching her jaw and remember exactly how the strained muscles felt under Sara’s hands, but not how she met Nyssa.

Sara realizes that everyone is still looking at her, looking at their captain and waiting for a plan.

“We need to figure out a way to get Nyssa to Lian Yu and provide her and my younger self a way off the island without anyone realizing something is off. Believe me, Ra’s al Ghul would notice if Nyssa came home with just any boat.”

“It would certainly raise questions I would not be able to answer.”  
Nyssa’s eyes are fixed on her but Sara just hums without meeting her eye in response. She wants to pretend that Nyssa means she wouldn’t answer any questions because she’ll protect the secret of time travel, not because Sara will have to wipe her memory of such thing ever existing. Of meeting her. That her who is content with her life and who has healed from her past. (Mostly)

“Until then Nyssa stays,” Sara states firmly but then glances at Nyssa quickly for confirmation if this is okay. As if they have other options.

Nyssa seems irritated and surprised at Sara’s concern. It had taken months, if not years, for her to stop looking at Sara with this mixture of irritation, wonder, curiosity and pity. Sara hadn’t been like anyone else she met before and it took the Demon’s daughter a long time to fully understand her.

“Too bad Gideon can’t fabricate a whole boat.” Nate comments, pushing his food around on the plate with his fork.

“You know, maybe I’ve got an idea. But I’m gonna need your help, Jax.”

Jax and Ray’s chatter fill the tense silence. Occasionally Martin chips in which results in suppressed eye-rolls from Jax.

Nate is having a hard time keeping himself from interrogating Nyssa about the League. Not many things in history are such a well kept secret as the League of Assassins. He could ask Sara about it, that would perhaps result in less of a risk of getting his bones broken. But first of all Sara can be scary and doesn’t need violence to make his life miserable. And second, he can’t just put his captain back into her time line to avoid thinking about how traumatizing the League must me.  
Luckily Amaya ropes him into small talk.  
Mick just sips at his beer and stares at Nyssa in suspicion. At least he's doing it openly and not trying to hide his glances like the others.

Sara sighs. This is a mess. And her growing memory loss doesn’t help her to think straight either. Though now that they made sure Nyssa doesn’t die in 2011 it seems to slow down.  
She pushes the plate of barley touched food away. Nyssa doesn’t seem to be able to focus on eating either.

“If you’re done, I can show you around and we can get you some comfortable clothes for the night,” Sara suggests, ignoring the looks she gets from her teammates.

Nyssa opens her mouth but Sara quickly adds: “Don’t even try. I know that as functional and protective as the leather is, it’s not comfortable.”

 

* * *

 

 

Sara waits outside of the fabrication room as Nyssa changes.

The blonde is definitely not remembering how she looks underneath the black leather. Absolutely not.

When Nyssa steps outside, wearing sneakers, black yoga pants and a red v-neck shirt, Sara forgets all about what is underneath the clothes.

Seeing Nyssa out of her completely black League clothes is a rare occasion even on undercover missions. It makes her almost look like an ordinary woman - a stunning woman but ordinary person. Not someone who suffered hardships since the day she was born. Like she's living the life she deserves.

Sara snaps her mouth shut when Nyssa arches an eyebrow at her expression. Thank god the butterflies in her stomach aren’t visible too.

Nyssa always looked good in red.

Again a foggy black spot nags at the back of Sara’s mind. But she simply can’t remember why or when Nyssa stopped wearing the standard outfit and added some red to the black leather.

She clears her throat.

“Let me show you your room for the night.”

On their way to the quarters, Sara gives her a brief tour of the rooms they passed that Nyssa hasn’t seen yet like the lab and the bathroom.

Having grown up in Nanda Parbat Nyssa doesn’t even blink at the fact that the team has to share one bathroom. Privacy is almost a foreign concept, even to Ra’s al Ghul himself.

“Well, here we are,” Sara says as they reach Kendra’s old quarters. She feels the urge to push her hands into the pockets of her jeans as they linger in the open door.

Why is this so awkward and tense?

It isn’t the first time they picked up a stray. They've even had some of their younger selves on board and it never made her feel like this.

“Here we are,” Nyssa repeats, proving that Sara isn’t the only one feeling uneasy in this situation.

Every instinct in Nyssa is screaming at her to keep her guard up and still she lets herself be open around this stranger. But that doesn’t mean that years upon years of training and conditioning would just fly out the window.

“ _Laya sa‘ida_ ,” Sara bids her goodnight in Arabic and bows her head slightly in a respectful manner.

Nyssa returns her the gesture.  
“Goodnight, Captain Lance.”

Sara hopes she succeeds in keeping a straight face at hearing Nyssa addressing her in such formal way. It feels... strange.

“Goodnight,” she repeats, not sure what else to say.

Nyssa closes the door and Sara releases a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

God, she's acting like a middler schooler with a crush.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara instructs Gideon to inform her about any suspicious activities from their guest before going to bed and sure enough Gideon wakes her in the middle of the night from a dream that might just have been a memory.

She finds Nyssa in the library. Always gathering intel and assessing the situation. At least one of them was thinking logically.  
She leans against the door sill, lingering for a moment to watche her ex-girlfriend who is pretending she hasn’t noticed her.

“Can’t sleep?”

Nyssa closes the book she's flipping through and turns around to Sara.

“Being aboard a time ship among strangers is rather unsettling, yes.”

“You won’t find any info on us in those books,” Sara points out, crossing the room to lean against the edge of the desk opposite to the book shelves, “You should ask Gideon, she knows all of our secrets.”

“Gideon?”

Apparently she forgot to tell Nyssa what the AI of the Waverider is called.

“Yes, Miss al Ghul?”

“You get used to her being everywhere,” Sara shrugs, having the mind not to comment on how Nyssa flinches at the sudden voice, “She’s basically my co-captain.”

“I would like to see you captain the ship without me, Captain,” the AI addresses Sara, the snarky undertone barley hidden underneath her British accent.

“A sassy one at that,” she calls out at the ceiling. Sometimes she wants to send a thank-you-note to who ever programmed the AI’s personality. (Despite the fact that the same person gave Gideon the ability to monitor their dreams and turn someone’s shower cold if they offended her.)

“You didn’t tell me everything,” Nyssa breaks her train of thoughts. She makes her way across the room and leans on the edge of the desk next to Sara.

Sara can’t remember the last time they were so close. All alone (not counting Gideon) and so close to each other.

“No,” she admits, crossing her arms as she stares ahead, “I thought it would make it easier for everyone if you don’t know everything.”

The silence stretches uncomfortably long before Nyssa speaks up again, her voice wavering just a tiny bit.

“Why do I feel like I know you?” 

Sara takes a deep breath and looks at Nyssa to her right, ducking her head slightly.

“The temporal zones blurs all time line together a bit."

There is no other explanation for it.  
Sure, sometimes Sara still thinks about Nyssa and wonders what she's doing back in 2017 and if they will ever get back together again, but her feelings havn’t been this intense since before she left the League.  
That urge to let herself fall back into Nyssa’s arms, to just let her stay on the Waverider for a little bit longer,  is growing with every minute.  
Or maybe she just isn’t as over Nyssa as she thought she was.

“You’ve clearly proven that time travel exists. And still I can’t quite grasp how it works.”

The fact that Nyssa admits her confusion so openly does things to Sara’s heart that she can’t explain.  
Do not show weakness - that’s Assassin School 101.  
And still Nyssa trusts her enough after just a couple of hours to ignore everything she was taught to believe in.

“Honestly, I still don’t quite get it all the time either,” Sara confesses something she has tried to keep a secret even before she was appointed captain.

“Then what are doing manning a time ship?”

Hurt and anger flare up in Sara at Nyssa’s jab at her leading skills. Fuck, that hurt to open up and have Nyssa shut her down with so much spite and venom in her eyes. Even when she knows it's just to cover up the fact that Nyssa feels out of control.  
Maybe they're moving too fast too soon.

Again this sense of deja vu settles in the pit of her stomach.

Truth to be told it isn’t just happy memories she shares with Nyssa or will share.  
The memories that are still clear in the front of her mind are of a Nyssa who has grown, who learned that maybe the League’s way isn’t the only way, who made her own path instead of blindly following her father’s orders, who had slowly let love into her heart.  
_This_ Nyssa still has years of fighting, pain and death ahead of her before she will become the woman Sara had to leave behind.  
And of course _she_  would hide behind walls and lash out because as much as Sara wishes they could just go straight to the way things were, this isn’t _her Nyssa_ , not quite yet.

Sara takes a deep breath and steps back, she hasn’t noticed how close she has gotten to Nyssa.

“I know this must all be confusing and scary because time is something you just can control but let’s make the most of it, okay?” she tries to reason. She should be the sensible adult here, having almost ten years of experience on Nyssa right now.  
“When was the last time you were completely free and out of the League’s grasp?”  
  
What Sara really wants to say is _You are save here, you can let go, I miss the real you, you don't need your defensive walls with me._

This time it’s Nyssa who looks around the room as the whirlwind of emotion have a war going on inside her mind until she settles on Sara again.

“You already know the answer to that, don’t you.”

“Well, since I’m loosing more and more of my memory of my time with the League the longer the time line stays changed, I can’t be completely sure, but yeah.” It’s said in an almost jokingly manner but there’s nervousness to Sara’s voice.

She doesn’t want to loose any memories of Nyssa. But she also doesn’t want to let go off the new memories of her family, of Laurel that are forming in her mind. She shouldn’t have to choose, it’s not fair.

Nyssa squints her eyes and grinds her teeth together as she watches Sara, analyzing her every move, trying to figure out what is going on in her head. Sara keeps herself from squirming as she waits for Nyssa’s verdict.

“Are you always like this?”

The question surprises her. But Nyssa has always been good at picking out the thing that people don’t expect, yet hitting bullseye.  
It feels familiar enough to make Sara forget the emotional dispute inside her head.

“Like what?” She tilts her head.

“You don’t seem like someone who has been a member of the League of Assassins. You’re too-”

“Gorgeous, reckless, emotional, funny?” the Captain cuts in with a grin. She shouldn’t enjoy getting under Nyssa’s skin as much as she does.

“Light,” Nyssa replies dryly, barley able to suppress a huff at the other woman’s remark, “I was going to say light. Most people who join the League have succumbed to darkness long before they join our ranks.”

“I guess that’s where I was different,” Sara shrugs though she wonders how Nyssa realized that so quickly when for the longest time Sara didn’t believe there was lightness left inside of her herself, “I was lost and vulnerable to the darkness but I wasn’t broken - not completely, even if it might have felt like that at moments. I still had something to fight for.”  
_I’m still fighting for it_. She adds in her thoughts. She hasn’t given up on saving Laurel, she never will.

“What did you fight for?” Nyssa asks, shifting closer to the woman beside her.

Sara hesitates, they are sliding into heavy, emotional topics way too fast again. But the sarcastic remark to light up the situation dies on her tongue when she feels Nyssa’s questioning eyes on her.  
Nyssa honestly wants to know, she needs to know. Needs to know how Sara pulled through the darkness against all odds.

“Protecting my family. Becoming someone who deserves their love and forgiveness.” Sara looks at Nyssa next to her and her breath catches.  
Even now when Nyssa hasn’t actually met her, it's so easy to slip back into being open with her. No one knows her better than Nyssa. They spend countless stolen moments in Nada Parbat or a safe house telling each other every dark secret, forbidden dreams and unrealistic wish.

For a second Sara thinks that Nyssa remembers too even thought it’s impossible. But then Nyssa turns away to look at the book shelves on the opposite wall again.

“If you have an AI, why do you need books?”

“Uh?” Sara responds, needing a moment to process the unexpected question. She has been too caught up in Nyssa’s eyes to hear her words right away. The tips of her ears heat up as she looks to the books in question.

“Not everything is digitalized. You should ask Nate, this is his domain,” Sara smiles at that. Nate is a fairly recent addition to the team and still imagining the library without him seems impossible now.

“We actually have some scrolls and books in Arabic if I remember correctly. What was that goodnight story called? You taught me to read Arabic with it. I think.” Sara falters, the black spots in her memory being evidently again.

“I’m afraid I cannot answer that. Yet.” Nyssa pushes herself up from the desk and walks to the book shelve to skim the books with Arabic inscriptions on the back with her index finger.  
“Perhaps one of these?”

Sara’s eyes are drawn to the flash of skin as Nyssa reaches for a heavy leather bound book on one of the upper shelves. Quickly she tears her eyes away, face heating up and heart beating too fast, when Nyssa turns around to give her the book before turning back to the shelve to continue her search.

Sara squints her eyes at the strange marks, her mind too caught up on the contrast between red fabric and tan skin to remember to read from right to left right away.

“ _Alf layla wa-layla_ ,” she reads the title out loud - _One Thousand and One Nights_ \- the sound washing like a weight of almost forgotten memories over her. She flips through the pages without really reading anything.  
“Tala used to read this to you.”

“How do you know about my sister?”

“I don’t know why I said that, I don’t actually remember,” Sara hurries to admit, hoping it’ll soothe the panic in wide eyes, “I guess you told me about her.” _Like you told me everything about yourself._

Again there is this heavy pause, an unspoken understanding between them that Sara is holding some crucial information back.  
But telling Nyssa they weren’t just close but each other’s world at some point would only complicate everything.

Though Sara isn’t sure how much longer she can keep it to herself when she can barley resist the urge to pull her ex-girlfriend close and never let go of her again.  
She hadn’t realized how much she missed Nyssa until Gideon said her name when alerting them of the anachronism.

Looking back to the book in her hands doesn’t help her to breathe properly again. The inscriptions start to swim before her eyes as she feels the memories of Nyssa teaching her Arabic and their history and culture slipping away.  
She wants to scream in frustration. It’s like trying to hold onto water, the tighter you try to grib it the more slips through your fingers. And the only way of stopping her memory loss is the one thing she doesn’t want to do.

“It looks like neither of us are getting much sleep tonight. How about coffee?” Sara suggests. She needs something to distract her from all of this.

“I don’t enjoy your American ‘coffee’, but thank you for the offer.”

“What do we have a food fabricator for if we can’t make Arabic coffee in the middle of the night?”  
Sara shuts the book with a grin, hoping that if her grin is only non-chalant enough, she can convince herself that her head isn’t spinning with new memories and old feelings.  
“We could play a round of Basra, I haven’t played in age but I bet I can still beat you.”

Nyssa chuckles, making Sara’s hear skip a beat.

“I would like to see you try, Captain Lance.”

“You’re on, Miss al Ghul.”

 

* * *

 

 

It isn’t until three hours later that they wander from the galley back to their quarters.

“I told you, Gideon’s arabic coffee is just as good as the real deal,” Sara grins at the woman walking next to her.

“It is almost acceptable,” Nyssa admits, the corner of her mouth twitching. She prides herself quite a lot in making the best Arabic coffee within in the League.

“Don’t let Gideon hear that,” Sara laughs, knowing that there is no way Gideon doesn’t know about their conversation, “An AI with grudges is not something you want.”

“You talk about it as if it's a real person.”

“Oh, Gideon is as real as they get,” she explains before Gideon can cut in and ruin the mood, “You get used to it after spending so much time with her making snarky comments.”

The way Sara almost giggles alost makes you question if maybe she drank more than just coffee. Or maybe it's the lack of sleep.  
She feels downright giddy after spending the night nitpicking at the translation mistakes in the Arabic fairy tale book and having a full on Basra battle that provided just the distraction that she needed from the heavy, emotional things. Nyssa chuckled every time the captain claimed she only lost the round because of the memory loss when in reality she was just too busy sneaking glimpses at Nyssa too focus on the game.  
But Nyssa’s poker face has seen better times too.

Being out of Ra’s al Ghul’s reach does wonders for her. All the weight and responsibility seems to just fall of her shoulders once she realized that Sara isn’t out to hurt her.

Sara ignores the little voice in the back of her head that Nyssa would never let her guard down if some part inside of her didn’t recognize and trust Sara. Nyssa al Ghul does not trust easily - if ever. That thought makes Sara's heart flutter.

They reach Nyssa’s room, lingering at the door not unlike a couple of hours before.

“We should probably retire, it must be long past midnight,” Nyssa points out making Sara’s heart sink before adding, “If you can measure time on a time ship out of time that is?”

“It’s after 2 am temporal time zone,” Sara grasps the chance to keep talking for just a little bit longer, “But don’t ask me how it works. I think not even Ray and Martin have quite figured that out yet.”

“It is all a little confusing.”  
It’s clear that Nyssa hates to not understand how something works. Years of needing to be in control in order to survive would do that to you. And the fact that she feels safe enough around Sara to admit not being in control of the situation spreads a warmth in Sara’s chest that nearly makes her melt.

“You get used to it,” Sara repeats with a shrug once again despite the fact that at the moment she really doesn’t feel used to the madness of time travel.

“ _Tusbih ‘ala khayr_ ,” Nyssa bids her good night with a soft smile.

Sara’s heart is close to exploding at the familiar sound. There is no fighting off the big, dopey smile off her face.

“Sweet dreams,” she replies and presses a kiss on Nyssa’s cheek as she does every night.

It isn’t until after she pulls back and notices Nyssa’s wide eyes that she realizes what she did.

“Shit. I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I’m sorry,” Sara stumbles over her own words, feeling her chest clench and her cheeks burn with panic and embarrassment.  
She expects Nyssa to either attack or retreat but she seems frozen in spot as the wheels turn in her head.

Finally, after an agonizingly long moment, something seems to click.

“We were more than just close, weren’t we.” It isn’t a question and still Sara can see confusion, shock and wonder flicking through brown eyes.

“I loved you.”

Sara wants to laugh.  
_Loved_. As if her feelings were a past tense.  
Perhaps it's a form of time drift messing with her head but right now it feels as if she never stopped.

“And did I- did I love you back?”

Nyssa looks so unsure, almost fragile, her voice shaking just a little bit.

And it absolutely breaks Sara’s heart.

She wants to reach out, wants to pull Nyssa into her arms until they can’t tell where one of them ends and the other starts anymore. She wants to whisper soft promises as she burrows her face in dark her.  
It takes all her will power to remain where she is.

“You released me from the League.”

Nyssa sucks in a breath as the realization of just how much she will come to love this woman that she dares to defy the rules of the League at the risk of her own life.

“I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you,” Sara can’t keep everything from spilling out anymore. She needs to say something, anything, even if it won’t change anything once she puts Nyssa back in her time line and wipes her memories.  
“I just need you to know that you will experience love, actual, selfless, true love.”

The daughter of Ra’s al Ghul is never a loss for words, but even that rule has it’s exceptions.  
She just nods, her eyes spacing off to a point behind the woman in front of her.

“Nyssa?” Sara whispers. She wants so badly to wrap her arms around Nyssa and hold on for dear life. To kiss the frown of her face and hold her hands as she whispers promises to Nyssa that she know she can’t keep.

“Good night,” Nyssa finally breathes out and closes the door quicker than Sara can react.

“Fuck,” Sara whispers as she leans her forehead against the closed bedroom door, not knowing that Nyssa is leaning with her back against the other side of the door.

What the hell is going on with her?  
Why can’t she form a single straight thought ever since Nyssa came on board?  
Can people from your past bring time drift to you?

Having Nyssa on the Waverider is like all her secret wishes come to life. Being with Nyssa without the death and pain of the League is everything she never thought she could have.  
All the things Sara forbids herself from thinking about come crashing down on her. All the possibilities of how she could be with Nyssa again without breaking time race through her mind. She wonders what would happen if she just took the jumpship to 2018 to get Nyssa and screw the consequences.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara isn’t the only one laying awake for the rest of the night.

But while she tosses and turns restlessly, Nyssa is staring at the ceiling of her room, wondering about this woman she who feels so familiar and safe despite only having met her a few hours ago.

There is no room in the League of Assassins for love. There is nothing but loyalty and obedience for Ra’s al Ghul. Even when it means blood on your hands and dancing on the edge of death.

And still this woman loved her. Within all this pain and blood she found it within herself to love the Heir to the Demon.  
There is no doubt in Nyssa’s mind that Sara truly loved her. She has seen love, not within the League but when she was out on missions, mingling among the rest of the world.  
And what she saw in blue eyes was nothing short of that.

Nyssa never thought she could find that, let alone be capable of such light feelings herself. She expected Sara to admit that Nyssa broke her heart but instead she admitted to the exact opposite.

Nyssa al Ghul, Heir to the Demon, loving someone.

It was such an innocent kiss and yet there are butterflies in her stomach at the memory of how pale lips felt against her cheek.  
She hasn’t felt like that since she first started noticing women in a romantic way as a young teenager.

Nyssa can’t help but wonder what it would be like to kiss Sara again. To actually kiss her full on the lips and run her fingers through blonde hair. Her stomach flips.

Taking care of physical needs is well accepted within the League as long as it's no strings attached.  
She has been attracted to other women before, she has kissed and slept with other women. But this tingling in her body and mind feels differently to all those times before. Her heart is in this. Will be in this.

And still the connection between her and Sara manages to thrive within the League somehow.

Nyssa wants to find out how. How is it possible to love so much that even Ra’s al Ghul will allow it to happen. Even though Sara never specifically stated so, there is no way her father didn’t know about this.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara gives up on trying to sleep around 6.30 am.  
After throwing on a sweater over her pjs and her favorite pair of sneakers she makes a beeline for the food fabricator, ignoring Ray and Martin’s questioning looks.

Caffeine, she needs caffeine to survive this day.

When Nate enters the galley behind her she programms the fabricator to make a second coffee. Nate is never awake at this hour unless he stayed up the whole night.  
There is no space in her head to wonder what he was doing if he wasn’t in the library.

The others have the mind not to ask her what she’s doing up at this hour and instead talk about science stuff as she sips on her coffee.  
Up until the moment they stop, the sudden silence startling Nate awake from dozing off.

Sara doesn’t need to turn around to know it’s Nyssa entering the galley. She tightens her grib on her coffee cup.

“Miss al Ghul has entered the galley,” Gideon pipes up.

“Thanks, Gideon, I couldn’t tell,” Sara bites back, hoping her face doesn't look as red as she feels it burning.

She don’t know what she did to deserve Gideon screwing with her like this. She ordered her to inform her of Nyssa’s moves but not like this. And Gideon knows that damn well.

“Good morning.”

Bless Ray and his cheerful demeanor.

“Good morning,” Nyssa returns his greetings.

“Let me show you how the food fabricator works,” Ray offers, already half out of his seat, but Nyssa declines.

From the corner of her eyes Sara notices that Nyssa must’ve made a detour over the fabrication room to get a new outfit as she’s now wearing jeans and a black long sleeved shirt.

“Sara showed it to me yesterday.”

Hearing her name out of Nyssa’s mouth makes Sara’s heart skip a beat.

She’s thankful for Ray explaining his plan as they eat. It gives her something else to focus on than the woman sitting beside her.  
If she turns to look at Nyssa she won’t be able to keep herself throwing herself at her.

She replayed the memory of kissing Nyssa goodnight a thousand times in her head in the last few hours. Several times she nearly got out of bed to run to the woman who occupied her thoughts and kiss the ever living sense out of her.  
Her lips are tingling just at the thought of that and having Nyssa actually close isn’t helping.

If the others notice the tension between them, they don’t let it show.  
Maybe it's smarter to not comment on the fact that neither woman would look at each other except for stolen glances when they think the other isn’t looking.

Ray explains his idea to replicate a tiny version Nyssa’s boat. He can program the fabricator to make a small, functioning model which he then later can enlargen if he reverses his shrink ray. They cab drop Nyssa off in the same spot shortly after they picked her up and wipe her memory of the last 24 hours.

“Boom, history’s back on track,” Nate finishes his friend’s sentence, the coffee finally having kicked in.

“Good plan,” Sara acknowledges but she seems absent and her voice sounds scratchier than usual.

Nate and Ray share a look.

“May I talk to you for a second?” Martin requests after having been quiet ever since Nyssa entered the galley.

“Nyssa, did Sara show you the lab?” 

“Forget the lab, the library is much better,” Nate argues his best friend as they raise from their seats.

“Sara showed me neither,” Nyssa answers truthfully, not mentioning the fact that she found her way into the library all by herself. Or that she spent half the night playing cards with Sara.

Sara keeps her eyes fixed on the empty coffee mug, forcing herself not to watch Nyssa as she leaves and ignoring Martin’s eyes on her.

“Don’t,” she interrupts him before he can get a word out.

“I know I’m last one who should tell you can’t interfere with the past.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Sara growls, her eyes sparkling with anger, “I _want_ her to meet me in 2008. I’d go through the League ten times if it means I can be with her for a while.”  
She swallows hard, again her hands tighten around the coffee mug.  
“But why can’t I be me _and_ be with her? Why do I need to become Ta-er al-Sahfer if I want her in my life? Why can’t I be the Sara that becomes a police officer _and_ her beloved?”  
Tears are swimming in her eyes. Everything seems to be spill out at once now.  
“Why can I save everyone but the people I love? I miss her -so much- but I moved on. And I hate myself for being happier this way when it was in no way her fault that I even left.”

Angrily Sara wipes away the tears she just can’t hold back, grinding her teeth together.

“Sara,” Martin says softly, “You did the right. And you know that Nyssa wanted you to have this life outside of the League. You deserve to be happy.”

“So does she,” she snaps, “She deserves so much more than the pain the League brings into the world and I hate knowing that she’ll have to endure another ten years before she breaks free from her father’s grip. I hate that-” her voice cracks “- that she had to do it on her own because I couldn’t handle it anymore.”

Martin places a gentle hand on her shoulder and it nearly breaks her.

“Don’t you see that you made it possible for Nyssa to realize how much the League is hurting her?”

“Why do I have to let them hurt her at all?”

This is almost Laurel all over again.  
Why does she have to be the responsible one?  
Why can’t she just be a selfish bad guy and change history so her loved ones can be alive and happy?

Sara wipes away her tears again that just won’t stop spilling from her eyes.

“Sometimes it sucks to be the good guy.”

“Truer words were never spoken.”

 

* * *

 

 

Once Sara got a grip on herself again she goes to her room to change into proper clothes before searching for Nyssa and the boys.

(Ignoring her common sense that tells her to just ask Gideon or at least not look in place they definitely won’t be. She just needs the time to mentally prepare herself.)

She finds them in the fabrication room.

For a moment Sara just watches Nyssa, Ray and Jax who had joined them program the fabricator.

Both men are quite impressed with Nyssa’s knowledge about what kind of boat she's using. It isn’t just a white speed boat to her, she knows the exact model and any modification that were made to it.

Sara has rarely ever met anyone with such broad knowledge and skills as Nyssa. It's one of the things that make her such a valuable and successful member of the League.

If it wasn’t for the way Nyssa holds herself and forms her sentences, you could think she's part of the team as she hunches over the mini boat with Ray and Jax. She looks so normal in her shirt, jeans and sneakers.

Sara hates to rip that away from her.

“Hey, nerds,” she calls out before the stinging in her chest makes her do something she’ll regret.

“Do we call her out for being a dnd geek now or…” Jax stage whispers to Ray.

“I might not remember those neat little martial arts tricks Nyssa taught me but I can still kick your ass, Jax.”

Ray laughs until Nyssa adds with a smirk: “I am inclined to help.”

“You hear that? I think Nate is calling us,” Ray chuckles nervously as he grabs the tiny boat and scurries off.

“Cowards,” Sara calls after the two but laughs. She finds Nyssa watching her when she turns back.

“I don’t know what the future holds but I am glad it led you here.”

Warmth fills Sara all the way into the tips of her toes at Nyssa’s soft, almost proud smile.

“It’s my home. My family.”

“Hold onto that.”

 _But what if you’re part of that?_ Sara wants to ask but doesn’t. This goodbye will break her heart enough as it is.

“I suppose all that is left to do is drop me off now.”

“Yeah, Ray is probably already putting on the ATOM suit to fly you to the right spot,” Sara confirms.  
“You should change too.”

“Are you not coming to see me off?” Nyssa inquires, the vulnerability from last night peaking through in her voice.

It’s like a stab to her heart. Sara crosses her arms over her chest, pressing her fingernails too harshly into the skin of her arms.

“Nyssa,” Sara whispers, swallowing hard before she continues, “I can’t. If I come with you, I’ll do something stupid.”

She's close to do something stupid right now if she's being honest. But coming with them and then not having the heart to wipe Nyssa’s memory is a whole different level of stupid.

Sara is equally relieved and disappointed when Nyssa breaks eye contact.

“So, Ray will take me to the location my original boat sunk, enlargen the boat model, wipe my memory and be on his way.”

Sara nods, not quite sure as to what Nyssa is playing at.

“Then I need to apologize.”

“Apologize?” Sara repeats in confusion.

Instead of explaining Nyssa lunges forward and crashes her lips against Sara’s, taking the captain completely by surprise.  
After the initiative moment of shock, Sara melts into the kiss.  
She wraps her arms around Nyssa and pulls her impossibly closer as if she never plans to let go again.

Maybe she does.

The kiss is messy, teeth nipping at lips and hands tangling into hair and clothes.

Sara breathes in, trying to grasp and hold onto every part of Nyssa.  
If this is the last time she gets to kiss Nyssa, she’ll take everything she can. She pours every bit of longing and desire into it. She’ll pepper promises along tan skin with each kiss that they will have this, that it’ll be them against the world. That the Sara that is still stranded on Lian Yu will love her with every fiber of her being.

Nyssa tangles her hands into blonde hair and soaks up every bit of emotion, breathing Sara in as if her life depended on it.

There’s a salty taste mixing into their kiss. Nyssa pulls away when she realizes that it’s Sara tears.

“I’m sorry,” Sara mumbles against Nyssa’s skin, “I’m sorry.”  
She isn’t sure if she's apologizing for ruining their kiss with tears or for the fact that she hasn’t found a way to change what lay ahead for Nyssa.

“Sara, Sara…” Nyssa whispers her name over and over again until Sara stops pressing desperate kisses to whatever part of skin she can reach.

They rest their forehead against each other, eyes still half closed. For a moment they just breath, soaking up each other’s proximity.

“I wish…” Sara whispers barely audible, not quite sure how to express the mess of emotions inside her head.

Nyssa takes her face into her hands, wiping the tears away with her thumbs.

Sara snorts when she sees tears shimmering in Nyssa’s eyes too. She pulls Nyssa into another kiss, much shorter and simpler but bittersweet.  
They pull back just barley enough to not be touch anymore.

There are no words to express what they are feeling.

Nyssa knows that she won’t remember any of this and still it gives her hope knowing that in the not to distant future she will experience love.  
That she will receive and feel this intense, all consuming and selfless love that Sara is feeling towards her right now. That is more than she could’ve ever hoped for herself.  
She doesn’t know what scares her more; the prospect of loosing this love at some point, feeling so intensely that it can make her turn her back on the League and wanting this anyway, or how calm she feels about this.

“Thank you.”

Such simple and insufficient words and yet Sara seems to understand anyway.  
And it seems to soothe the guilt the captain feels about whatever the future holds for Nyssa, about finding happiness without her. At least a little bit.

“I’ll miss you,” Sara whispers, her confession lingering between them.

“It won’t be long till I see you again,” Nyssa points out and even though Sara can't see the almost teasing smile with her eyes closed, she can feel it.

Sara chuckles and sniffs as she pulls back enough to look at Nyssa.  
  
“You won’t even know me anymore.”

“I didn’t know you yesterday either.”

“Good point,” Sara admits with a bittersweet smile, finally stepping away completely.

The loss of their proximity is like a cold gush of wind blowing through her room as they sort out their appearances.

Sara really hasn’t expected this. Neither her feelings returning with such full force, nor Nyssa letting her in so quickly.

Maybe such thing as reversed time drift does exist if you take someone out of their time line.

Sara’s eye fall on the neatly folded black leather outfit between their other costumes and period clothing.

Because if it isn’t that, then she isn’t sure how she’ll survive letting go of Nyssa again.

 

* * *

 

 

Sara leaves Nyssa to change in the fabrication room.

She instructs Gideon to plot a course to the same spot they found Nyssa in a couple of minutes after the boat sunk while they are preparing. A time jump of not even 24 hours is barley noticeable and should leave no side effects even on an inexperienced time traveler as Nyssa.

She feels almost lost as she wanders the halls without Nyssa.  
They spent every waking hour together since Nyssa stepped foot onto the ship not even yesterday and yet the Waverider already felt empty at the mere thought of her leaving.

When she reaches the cargo bay Sara is faced with her team huddled around the boat model on top of one of the many boxes. A tiny light flys away from the boat, revealing Ray in his suit when he turns back to normal size after noticing Sara.

Everyone turns around to her with such understanding and reassuring expressions on their face, like nothing in the world can keep them from having her back.

So maybe she’ll feel a little lost for a while like she just left the League for the first time, but she knows she won’t ever have to face this alone.

“Hey, heart breaker,” Jax grins at her which earns him a loving punch to the arm.

“Stop hogging all the hot girls,” Mick grumbles dryly but catches her eyes for just a moment longer than usually,making sure she is as okay as she can be right now.

Yeah, they would never let her wallow in her heartbreak and pity for long.

“Don’t you think Nyssa is way to young for you anyway?” Ray chips in as he stuff the tiny boat into a fannypack slung around his waist on top his suit.  
  
Sara can see the memory flasher peaking out of the bag before he zips it close. Smart idea.  
They’ll tease him about it anyway.

“Not to mention a lesbian,” Nate adds with pointed brows.

“Maybe Sara is just more charming than you lot,” Amaya joins the banter and even reciprocates Jax's fist bump.

“She certainly is,” a voice rings out behind them.

Seeing Nyssa in her League clothes is nothing new to Sara and still she has trouble breathing.  
The black leather reveales nothing but Nyssa radiates control and danger like only a woman who has been raised to become the leader of the League of Assassins could.

A part of Sara hates how easily Nyssa slips back into her role of the Demon’s heir as if the past couple of hours never happened.

“Perhaps Miss Lance simply has a better taste in women than you, Mr Rory,” Martin breaks Sara’s focus and she snorts at Mick.

“Don’t take it personally but I definitely do.”

Mick just grunts at her words and takes another sip of his beer.  
She can always count on him to ease the heaviness of a situation with dry, direct comments. And alcohol.

“You ready?” Ray steps towards Nyssa, receiving a curt nod.

Before Nyssa can wrap one arm around Ray’s shoulder, Sara stops her. Her heart is pounding like crazy.

“Wait.”

Nyssa arches an eyebrow but there is softness in her eyes that she can’t hide -not from Sara at least- as Sara takes a hand into hers and holds it against her chest.  
She just needs to drag out this moment, have the world slow down for a second. She isn’t ready to let go, she doesn’t want to let go. It’s all happening to fast.

A sense of deja vu hits them again, running like electricity along their spines.

“I’ll see you in a minute, _habibi_ ,” Sara whispers, the Arabic term of endearment lingering like a warm promise as she presses her lips to cold fingers, never breaking eye contact.

It takes every once of strength and will power to drop Nyssa’s hand and step back as the cargo bay opens behind them, revealing nothing but ocean beneath the Waverider.

Nyssa allows Ray to wrap an arm around her waist and slings one arm around his shoulders but her eyes stay on Sara the whole time.

“She’ll be safe with me,” Ray promises her but Sara barley hears him.

Her mind is filled with Nyssa. Nyssa who looks back over her shoulder just once more as Ray takes off with her. Sara watches them until they disappear at the horizon.  
Sara never knew there was such a beautiful sunset the day Nyssa found her on Lian Yu.

“Do you want us to wait with you?” Amaya asks when Sara makes no move to leave the cargo bay.

“I’m not waiting for Pretty like some helicopter mom,” Mick grunts but doesn't make a move to leave.

“A bit more tact, Mr Rory,” Martin scolds him under his breath.

“Seriously Sara, if you want company…” Jax offers.

“…we’re here,” Nate finishes his sentences.

Sara is about to argue.  
She doesn’t need them, she can take care of herself. It’s fine, honestly.  
But when she looks at them, at Jax who has become like a little brother to her, at Amaya who is quickly becoming her closest friend, at Martin who is all their emotional support, at Mick who always has her back, at Nate who never failes to make her laugh about some stupid history pun. And Ray whom she entrusted with the woman she loves, who nearly balanced out all the bad in the world with his kindness and faith.

“Just sit with me.”

No one says another word as they all find a spot on the floor to watch the sunset while Ray set the time line back on track.

Sara leans her head back against one of the boxes as old memories flash before her eyes. Even if it means letting go of memories with her family, somewhere out there twenty-year-old Sara is about to meet the woman who will turn her whole world upside down.

Sometime in the not too distant future she’ll find out how deeply she can love.

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE  
> I just logged in on ao3 for the first time since uploading this fic and I am blown away by the response! Thank you so much for your kudos and comments, honestly it means a lot <3


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